welcome everyone to the get real get love show we're just having a few technical

difficulties getting on but I am your host Charlie Washburn and today we are covering the topic of

the truth about divorce and I want to share some stats with you about divorce around the world

but this topic is really going to be centered more on the US but just as an FYI that

our country with the most divorces the Maldives I was very surprised to hear that followed by Kazakhstan

and the third being Russia I have a whole list that goes all the way

down to 13 which is where the u.s. fits in and so in terms of what goes on

in the u.s. a lot of people may not realize this but 41% of first marriages

end in divorce and then second marriages go up now most people mom I think it goes down because

you think maybe you learn something from that first experience but unfortunately as humans we

have patterns that we follow and we repeat a lot of the patterns unless we take

the initiative to really learn from them and not repeat them so the second marriage is 60% likely to

end in divorce and the third marriage is 73% likely to end in divorce so

it's very interesting how it's so important to at any milestone in your life whether it's good or

bad to just pause and take note and learn from the experience I had put a

pole out on social media and I'm hoping people will complete it with what they think is the number

one reason that people get divorced now of course there's a lot of data out

there and you can find you know conflicting information but I believe this and I found

it in the research that the number one reason it is not Financial because I think a lot

of people think this right people think oh finances is the big reason why people get divorced absolutely not

it is a factor and it could be something that will do it but lack of commitment and

it's very interesting because when we talk about a lack of commitment we're not just talking about the commitment

to your significant other but it's the been to the relationship I mean I think people go

into marriage thinking if it doesn't work out we're just going to get divorce and

move on and get on to the next thing there are a lot of people

who think that way because it's you know it's a mindset so when you come in

with the commitment of wanting this relationship to last for the Long Haul and you want to commit

to the person that you're choosing and hopefully you've done some wedding excetera Etc we've talked

about that at nauseam then that is a big game changer and then obviously if

you have a lack of commitment you're more likely to get to be unfaithful now sixty

percent of the marriages that end in divorce are due primarily to infidelity there's always other

factors of course but that is a huge percentage and then 57% has more to do with the

constant conflict and conflict is necessary in a relationship as long as people know how

to fight fair and to when they where they seek agreement in other words you're not looking

to be right you just want to get to an agreement for every conflict that you

have and the people who focus on right and wrong a lot of it has to

do with the lack of maturity or lack of understanding of how to resolve Conflict

by seeking an agreement to ooh this is how we're going to move forward or let's agree to disagree

or just agreeing with the person when in fact what they're saying to you might be accurate

so anyway I won't get too far into that another interesting stat is 70% of divorces that are initiated

are initiated by women now I found this one particularly interesting and at the same time

not surprised because let's face it 70 to 80% of all buying decisions are made by women including

and households with significant told chores and childcare responsibilities Etc are still being conducted by women so in

other words they're working full-time and contributing to the household and also in charge of the

household as far as the chores and and responsibilities with the children so that is a big factor

another interesting stat is the average or how should I say this typically people get to force on honor

about this between the seventh and eighth year of marriage I thought that was also very

interesting and let's see the average age and this is all a mess because it will vary from country to

Country the average age in America where people get divorced is around 30 anywhere between 30 and mid

in their 40s when they're getting divorced so those are just some interesting stats about divorce that I wanted to

share and I've done a lot of work in the divorce face and I do a lot of coaching

for people coming out of divorce I've been through a divorce myself I came from a divorced family and

I see how detrimental you know that decision is how expensive it is and how heart-wrenching it

is not just for you but your your spouse children your families even your friends

you know people are surprised to see how you know there's a division of friends even or even

you know your pets I mean it's just all around not a great thing so I want to give you

a few tips obviously these are short little segments so I can't get too far into

it but I want to share some things that you might consider so that you can maybe avoid a

divorce in your future or if you're currently in can you know if you're a

single person first of all this may come as a surprise to you I know a lot

of people believe that you can meet someone and fall in love and get married right away or

you know I've seen people like meat and six months later they're living together or there's a

pattern of like oh you meet someone this is the one now we get engaged

a year in and then we get married a year later but here's what the data shows it

shows that you should be with someone for at least three years before you get married

okay and if you wait a little longer the chances of your marriage being a

long-term relationship that lasts goes up I know that's a shocker because everybody has this idea about oh we

meet we get in we get along we think it's great and within a year we get engaged and

that it is already the commitment to the marriage right getting engaged so I would encourage you to wait

three years also a good 60 percent of the marriages that happened in America are happening between age 20

and 25 now I can tell you from my own experience that I was married at 19 my brain wasn't

even fully developed so the best thing for you to do is to wait until

you were 25 years old you take on that decision now I don't I know there's a lot

of people who have met in high school and who are high school sweethearts and everything worked

out or maybe people who met with college but I hate to tell you this you are very small percentage

because a lot of the marriages that start as high school sweethearts and in divorce

okay so I would encourage you to hold off and I think Millennials and and Beyond

have really figured this out and are waiting a little to be sustainable and of course you want to

find a partner who's in the same mindset obviously there's a lot that we can go into in

terms of coaching with relationships right that you want to when you're in a relationship

spent enough time with that person to get to know them making sure that you have alignment but once

you're in this relationship to connect regularly have conversations every day and talk about the

things that are important to you and we get to know each other also it's great to be to

complement one another right these are things that start to kind of Fall by the wayside as you're in

a relationship with someone and it's really important women want to feel desired many compliments men don't

get a lot of compliments right because there great it's I mean it happens but it's more what you need

you really to implement all the plants which is the golden want to be treated love people the way they

want to be loved and a good way to find out how they want to be loved one example

could be do the quiz on the five love languages five love languages for example these are ways that

people feel the most loves right you can take that quiz and figure out what is your most important

area that you like to be loved it could be words of affirmation physical touch quality time gift-giving

I forget the last one there I'm just thinking off the top of my head

but any one of those right if you know what yours is and you can communicate it to your significant

other that they can love you in that way so that you feel loved and don't assume that the

way you want to be loved is the way they want to be loved that's why it's important to

figure these things out take care of your appearance there are people who get into relationships and

then themselves go and that can be a deal-breaker and can cause a divorce over time right

especially if you know taking care of yourself exercising in your outlook towards health and fitness is

important if this is a core value find someone who's in alignment with that because if that is

not their thinking and their core value it could be that people maintain a certain look

while they're single and then when they're in a relationship they let themselves go and

then you sort of fall out of love and it's not if you've been someone who is has

been unfaithful figure out what caused that acceptance of that behavior could be that you

grew up with a parent that was unfaithful or something like that figure those things out and

try to we that out of your systems that you can have that kind of Fidelity in

a relationship or just go into a relationship with you know there's all kinds of things going

on polyamory or whatever just your front you know and just let somebody know I'm uncapable of being

faithful we're gonna have to have an open relationship and then click dissenting adults is all good although I

you know most people kind of be on board with that but you just need to

be upfront last thing I would say well two more things when you're in a

relationship is important to do things together to enjoy things together to do new things together to me team

the fullness and the excitement and the you know the fun and the connection between two

people but it's also equally important to give each other time away from each other respect people's time respect the

fact that people need to do their thing and they need to have fun time with

their friends and maybe have certain activities that's really important because I think some people go into

marriage or even relationships thinking that once you're with that person you forget about your friends you forget

about all your wants and needs that are outside of this relationship and you give up

who you are and then you resent the person that you're with and you become you know not unhappy with

yourself so it's really important every time I serve a long term couples they talk about one of the things

that is is really important is for each of them to have a life and to have

a life together so those are some of the tents or you know tips and things that I

wanted to share with you and I also want to remind everyone that tonight at

talking about how to approach someone in real life a lot of people have gotten used to the idea

that they only approach one another other online right whether it's on social media or perhaps

an online app but it's summertime it's beautiful out the weather's nice and most places so it's time

to approach someone in real life and I think a lot of people forgot how to do

this with covid and being closed you know isolated and all that good stuff so now

we're going to talk a lot about how to do that in real life and

so please join me for I that and if you we've posted the link but if you

don't see it go ahead and DM or private message