welcome everyone to the get real get love show I am your host Charlie Washburn and today we're

talking about how your emotions inform your decisions your perceptions and what you do and so one of

those things that really comes out for a lot of people is fear and fear sometimes is

just a resistance that comes up particularly when you have a goal and something that you

really want to accomplish but you're so afraid that the outcome that you're expecting is not

going to happen and therefore you are so fearful that you find ways to self-sabotage or to freeze and

not do that thing that you want to do or whatever you whatever plan you've put in

place in order for you to achieve that goal and I don't know who coined this phrase in terms

of the acronym of the word fear and that is false evidence appearing to be real that's really what fear

is in many ways not all the time obviously there are situations where there's true fear but

these days a lot of the fear that we face is fear it's a self-proclaimed fear

is something that we're bringing going into an equation where it really doesn't exist and I

also want to make sure that you are following your instincts and that you don't ignore your

instincts or if you get some sort of visceral feeling about a situation that's not

what I'm talking about what I'm talking about is when I'll give you an example about how

the emotions affect perception this past weekend I got a call from someone now this is the one I VO2

over a year ago and her emotions she had gotten so depressed about her relationship status

and still being single and it's been over a year since we had a conversation where

she didn't pursue moving forward with my coaching or matchmaking which is fair I don't you know if anybody's

gotten on a call with me I never do a hard sell or anything like that

because I'm loving my mission and I'm here to help there there cost involved but that is

just part of the energy exchange something for something otherwise people who don't pay don't pay

attention but that's a whole other tangent anyway she calls me and she told me how depressed you was over

this Labor Day weekend and she didn't understand why these emotions came up and what I explained is

that this is good this is a source of information hitting rock bottom is not always physical activity it's

an emotional activity where you reach a point of like I am done I'm done with this feeling I don't

want to feel like this anymore and I want to do something about it and so by having those

emotions it it was the impetus for her to pick up the phone and call

me or text me or contact me and we were able to have a conversation and we're

potentially going to move forward now what happens after that conversation because cuz I am one who I want

to know how committed people are so when I have a conversation of Discovery call I give people all

the information that they need for them to decide if they want to work with me but

I also send them a follow-up and here's here it is if you want to sign

up go right ahead there's a reason I do that because in the work that

I do as a Matchmaker and a dating coach if you're not all in and

you have a lot of resistance it's impossible for us to succeed because it is a partnership

so of course when people have been single for a long time for example and they're

starting to get that feeling that it's never going to change it's this is not in the cards for

me that's a lot of issues with the belief system so a coach is a great person if they're

a good coach I bet is to help you overcome those feelings and to change your

belief system however you need to take that first step and I always say when fear shows up do it

anyway it is it is the emotion in many ways that is telling you you're about to grow

there is something on the other side of this if in fact the fear is not based

on any real danger so that is what I said to this individual I'm hoping that

she'll go ahead and schedule some time with me I know we did have a conversation

I know that cost came up and you know just the entire conversation was a whole scarcity mentality where there

aren't any good men out there I don't think this is you know I'm starting to feel like this is

never going to happen for me I see my friends on social media and they're you know going on trips

with their significant others they all they're all so lucky I mean luck is is when preparation

meets opportunity so you need to get mentally prepared and have the skills and the

knowledge that you need so that when the opportunity comes up you don't pass it up

you don't self-sabotage and you don't destroy it and that's what luck is and that's a quote from

philosopher Seneca so and then the subject of well I don't know if I can make this kind

of investment right now and my feeling is if you don't have the money to do something by all means

don't do something that you cannot do sometimes that's just a symbol of not being ready

because when somebody really wants something they will make it happen they will look for ways to attain those resources

and then they'll move forward so I have now left this in this person's hands and if she's willing to

make the investment she will see a return on investment if she's all in if she's committed and she's willing

to move forward or so my message of the day is fear as I said is the false evidence

of appearing real right and so if you're not in danger then fear is just telling you

that you know are asking you really how committed are you to this outcome that you want and

hot what are you willing to do to get there and go ahead and do it anyway even if if

you feel that fear I know that's something that I work on anytime I feel fear I know oh my

gosh growth is coming something amazing is about to happen let me do it and I jump all in

and I encourage you if you have a relationship goal you haven't achieved it and you need support go

ahead and call someone that can help you it's not always a paid person I'm not saying

call me if you if I'm not your coach but dude something and it's funny this morning I

was listening to one of my colleagues and friend Seafood Rafael and I was listening to his podcast and he

was interviewing someone and he said something about you know coaching he'll always ask his clients can

you see the back of your head and that's what really coaching is all about

we help you with those blind spots we help you overcome those blind spots and

those things you can't see that we can help you see and that little thing

could be the thing that's getting in the way of you achieving your relationship goals so I hope

that this serves you and I hope to hear from you if you're interested in learning about

our services what we do there's a lot of free resources is not a sales call and then if you

want to move forward and actually do something to change your status in your fully committed

despite the fear then go ahead and do it anyway and you know what I always

say everyone deserves to live love and be loved I'll see you next week cheers