hello hello and welcome back to the get real good love show it feels like it's

been a while I know that the holiday season is upon us and it's been a little bit

hectic I haven't celebrated a holiday at my home for a very long time but now that I have

a grandchild things have changed so we had a dinner party which was awesome to have family and

friends and it's time to get back to work so today I wanted to chat a little bit about

this topic because I was watching a show I was just on my down time I love to watch

these real estate shows or you know the reality shows that's kind of like my

guilty pleasure and one of the topics that came to mind was I was watching buying Beverly

Hills and on the show there's a young woman there who is the daughter of my gosh I

am like forgetting everybody's name Kyle Richards who is on the Real Housewives of Beverly

Hills and it's her oldest daughter from her first marriage and she's a beautiful girl who name is

Farrah she goes back for our breads she's beautiful she's smart successful she's actually I believe a

partner with the a agency which is the real estate company that is featured on

the show and it is owned by Kyle Richards husband Mo umansky so it's very incestuous anyway just that's

a little bit of the background and I sort of binge watch through all the episodes and

actually have to go back and watch the last two because I fell asleep but

okay so the subject is this she has been dating her now fiance for quite some time and this

is in the episode and I think they have been together for about three or four

years and she is someone Farrah is someone who wants to get married once have children

and wants to do it in the traditional way you know get married first then have

children and in the episode her colleagues and Friends we're sort of you know pushing her and say hey why

aren't you having this conversation with your significant other and she had this fear of bringing

it up and so that's what I wanted to talk about this because here you have this attractive

confident successful woman who comes from a great family you know people who are celebrities and all

of these things and yet she didn't have the confidence to have this conversation and she

happens to be in her early 30s right so you have a combination of someone being in a relationship for

a while not having had these conversations for whatever reason and maybe fear that the person she's with

my take off because you may not want what she wants but come on guys you know this is these

are things that have to be discussed right it is so important to be intentional when

you're dating and even early on in the conversations I mean they've been together for three maybe four

I don't know four or five years I can't even remember and I'm not mad at

that I'm okay with that right because I think people should wait at least three years

to actually get engaged and then get married however this fear right this fear of

having conversations about the things that matter and I really do believe that this has to

be sprinkled sprinkled along the way in the relationship when you're dating okay because dating is

the time where you're getting to know the person and trying to assess if this is a good

partner for you and so you should be talking talking about things such as your lifestyle you know the kind

of lifestyle that you want to have where do you want to live do you know whether or

not you love to travel versus someone who does in and I mean that sounds superficial

but honestly I had a hard time with that myself in my first marriage my

ex would not want to travel thank God my husband and I are super compatible when it

comes to that and many other things but the travel thing was kind of a little bit

of a you'll break over time you want to know is where they stand regarding family in

whether or not they want one if they want children conversations about finances and conversations about career in your outlook

towards career I mean she happens to be a realtor that's a tough industry where you're constantly working

so how you feel about your career and how your significant other feels about it is important because it's important

to be able to be compatible and respect one another's position when it comes to those things your relationship goals

like what are your goals now in this particular case here you have someone in her mid-30s with

with the biological clock ticking and she wants marriage and children I think those conversations need to be had earlier

on and not wait years and years worried that you're going to have someone Run for the hills

if you bring it up because the reality is is he leaves because you bring these things up

then they weren't meant for you they weren't the right person for you and I

think about it from a male the male's perspective is a man you know wants to ask

a woman to marry him and he has no clue where she stands in this it's kind of

scary and risky so I think to some degree there needs to be conversations that lead into next steps and

next steps and you know you start elevating dating your relationship and that they shouldn't

be a shocker in other words like yes it might be surprising that someone bought an engagement ring for you

you weren't expecting it on that day but the reality is is you had had conversations

where you knew that it was leading towards that in fact I believe that you should have

conversations about whether or not you want to be engaged before you move in together

a lot of times people move in together prematurely which sort of implies that the relationship has now escalated

and could potentially lead to marriage but if that is not the mindset of both people involved

and it's just a convenience of moving in because it's financially convenient or what have you then you end

up in a situation where people are misaligned so these conversations really need to happen and I want to encourage

you not to be afraid not to worry that you're going to send someone running for the

hills because if they do they're not or person it's that simple you have to have these conversations and a

good way to do it is to just bring it up when everyone's in a good mood and

you're in a good location not while someone's trying to watch a show or there's a heated moment or this

tension try to bring it up where it's a spontaneous conversation and you can talk about these things including things

like if you're in your mid-30s and you want to freeze your eggs or you want to you know

do whatever is that you want to do but also I want to say that

men need to be self-aware if you want to be dating women of a certain age regardless

of what your age is and they are willing to date you but they're in an age range

where they're potentially wanting to have kids then if she doesn't bring it up then

you should bring it up and ask those questions like where's your head at well you know what are

your thoughts about this because it's not fair for you to know that someone wants marriage and children

and for you to not want it and continue to drag out a relationship with someone

and waste our time I think that there's plenty of fish in the sea there are

plenty of women who just want to get laid there are plenty of women who just want a relationship

and you know have their own space Etc that don't necessarily be assist necessarily want marriage

and so choose someone who wants what you want and find that compatibility in that

alignment rather than wasting each other's time so I believe that it's really important to talk

about the fundamentals and to have those conversations earlier on and it could be as simple as yeah

you know someday I'd love to get married and have kids great now that's on the

table that shouldn't be a surprise years in or it shouldn't build up to this level of frustration where

you're like ready to give up on the relationship because you're not getting asked the

question that you want meanwhile the other person may be open to it maybe not but how do you

know if you don't have these conversations so I wanted to bring that up and you know this this time

of year you know it's interesting this is the first year in many many years or

so actually celebrated at home but it's also the first year many many years and

I didn't even send out cards wishing people happy holiday just because I was experiencing so many interactions with

single people who were lonely and depressed and upset and feeling this fomo from looking at online platforms where

people are posting with their families and their spouses and significant others and I just

I just didn't want to add you know to the frustration so this year I just completely ignored the

holidays because I feel that you know in this is completely off-topic here is that why do we

have to allow Hallmark to dictate our moods and how we feel about our Lives why do we

have to let religion or other people or other people his opinion or our friends and family

or what you see on social media why should any of that influence your feelings and you know make you

feel like you're not happy when everything's hunky-dory and then all of a sudden the holidays come in

and this this this stuff takes place and like I said I had a few really challenging interactions with

people who are single and lonely and my feeling is that as let's let's make

conversations earlier on in the relationship I'm not saying that you show up on date one

and just regurgitate or throw up on someone no I'm saying start to look for those

alignments with the individual that you're with and make sure that that that's there so that over time you start

to elevate but you both kind of know what direction you're going in you know and

please please please don't let these holidays dictate your moods but let them be an impetus let them push you

into actually taking action being intentional and setting goals and be strategic and you know reach

out if I can help you I have a lot of free Resources by the way I

don't ever want people to feel like I'm pitching just wanting to work with you and that you want it

you know for you to pay me know and there's a lot of free resources that we

have available for people in that situation who happened to be single and who want to attract

the right partner this year so if that is you please please please reach out so that

we can support you with any of our free resources or if you want to sign

up to work with us we do have a membership site and actually want to mention that the membership site

is going up in 2023 so these are the last few days for anyone to join our membership Community

which is eight dollars a month and it is going to go up to 27 so if you're someone

who's been on the fence and you want to see if there's any value in doing so go ahead

and go to get real get love.com join our membership site check it out and then if you

want to quit within a month you can quit but what you do is you get access

to everything that we have going on every month we have a workshop or a

Q&A session I should say I'm going to be bringing in a lot of different experts based

on the needs of the people that are part of the community we have courses we have

ebooks we have recommendations quizzes all kinds of things and now we're going to start doing some Live Events including

even potentially a retreat and anybody who's part of the membership will get certain pricing that's going to be

different from those who are not part of the membership so I encourage you to take

one step forward to do something and see if you know that works and then keep doing the

next day and the next thing so for NT3 make sure that every time you take

action that you just check in with yourself and ask is this leading me to where I want

to be and just stay focused on that and you will achieve your relationship goals and of course if I

can support you in any way please reach out and as I said I encourage anybody who's interested

to join our membership site which is eight dollars a month before that price goes

up and that's what I wanted to share with you today have those conversations early don't be shy I and

find the alignment that you need with your partner in order for you to be successful and the rest

is just going to work itself out so I am going to wish you a

happy New Year and I really really wish you a lot of love and success in the

coming year because you know what I always say everyone deserves to love and be loved

and that includes you so bye for now