welcome everyone to the get real get love show I am your host Arlene Washburn

I'm a science-based dating and relationship coach and a Matchmaker and today we are talking

about single parents dating but before we jump in let me just share some stats with you

that are absolutely staggering and things you know just numbers that I did not expect so according

to the Census Bureau there are ten point five million single parent in America and 7.8 million

of those are mothers and 2.7 million our fathers so this is like incredible and did you know

that the US has the highest percentage of children under the age of 18 living in a single-parent

household and the second one to come in you know as far as that goes is

the UK and then this the third largest just I believe it was when I looked it up I

thought it was Russia but it's just incredible that these you know amazing countries with

all this wealth and everything else are having this these issues so that is the reality of it all

and what I found it well let me just say this happened to be on on a

show this morning and somebody made this statement and I don't know where this quote comes

from but that person said it's better to come from a broken home then to be in one so

that is kind of a segue into what we're going to discuss here obviously we're talking about single

parents so the decision has already been made to n relationships and in for your in that status but

I will say this that children are much better off in a healthy situation where your co-parenting

rather than being in a very toxic relationship and having these kids grow up in that environment because they

don't do what you say they do what you do they emulate what they see but I also want to

say that in terms of the single parents dating the best gift that you can give

your children is to have a happy and healthy relationship even if it is having a stepparent

in their lives and just recently I was in a club house room and someone was talking about

how difficult it was for her as a single mom to you know who's working full-time not

having the ability to really date a part of it because she couldn't afford day care or

child care and I have some strategies for you that I want to go over as far as that goes

but first let me say this if you're a single mom or dad in your online please

make sure that you're not using photos with your children because that is a big No-No online secondly don't bring

anyone around your kids unless you have vetted these people okay because a lot of the single parent

dating dilemmas have more to do with safety than anything else so make sure you vetted everyone and have spent

enough time with them to then decide whether or not you're introduce them to your children that

doesn't have to be a year or years it just needs to be something that you

kind of take people through a process and by the way there's some great apps to do

background checks on people and things like that and I also have a great safety you know Online safety ebook

if you want to DM me the word safety I will send it to you so that's number one secondly

you need to have conversations with your children I think that sometimes people want to sneak look around and things

like that but it's you're better off explaining to your kids depending on what age they are

at you know and the level of conversation that you need to have you know

accordingly is to let them know that Mommy or Daddy loves them and will always

love them they're very much a priority but Mom Mom and Dad wants to be happy

and have a relationship and have a friend that is their age Etc you know however you have

that conversation right but it is important and because I think sometimes people just go ahead and

start you know dating and they don't communicate to the children and that is part of the issue

and the friction that you will encounter once they see you you know with someone other than their

parent so that is something that I wanted to say but here's one strategy you know I like

to keep these conversations relatively short this get real get loved it's just some snacks and some little bites about

things so as I mentioned and private conversations with your kids before you get started make sure

that they're safe and put together this is the strategy that I want to give

you that most people don't think about if you cannot afford to pay for childcare get a

group like a co-op group of other single parents you probably need around for most people have their

children every other week of their co-parenting so you have for people who are in the same status and cannot

afford childcare for dating and stuff like that and what you do is every other week you two

of the members are responsible for child care of all the kids and two of the members get to go

on dates and if you can coincide this with your every other week situation if you

have a co-parenting situation then it's a win-win everybody gets an opportunity to get out to do things

and to date and all of that and also you don't have to pay for that child and

care so that was the strategy that I really wanted to share because I understand a lot

of these mothers particularly who are in the status of being single a single parent are also living and

a borderline poverty situation and obviously having a partner in life can help change that it's not to

say that you're looking for someone to save you or that you know you're only dating for money and things

like that know obviously but there are some benefits to having a relationship and that is

to share and expenses and to you know sharing everything The Good the Bad and the Ugly so

that is the main strategy that I wanted to share with you today is think

about creating a co-op of other single parents that can all take turns with childcare and and

you really just need four people and two at a time babysit two at a time go on

dates and there you have it so that was one thing and then make sure that you like I

said that the person that you bring into your life has been vetted now there are ways to do

that as a Matchmaker we run background checks on our you know candidates in and also our clients but you

can do that there's a bunch of background check companies that you can run on

people you need to know where they live you need to know their full name

and sometimes you could do it based on their cell phone and stuff like that but just be

very very careful on who you bring around your kids and like I said the best gift that

you can give your children is for them to see you happy and accompanied by someone who loves you

who treats you well and you know it is a sense of relief as your kids get older and

they have a parent who's single and you know and they're out of the house and they're

living their lives in there doing their thing they worry they worry about your the parent who's single whose

you know eventually going to end up alone if they allow it and so it is

almost a gift to the kids if you don't if you're not prioritizing yourself in

terms of having that special someone in your life then do it for the kids and

the last thing I want to say obviously if you want to be single and you're happily

single there are people like that and I've got through those phases in my life by all means say

single but if that's not something that you want don't let being a single parent stop you okay because

cuz if you find that special someone and you establish a great relationship your kids will see that in

your household before they leave so that that's what they're going to emulate instead of the

toxic relationships the Loveless marriages and all you know that this function so that's what

I have for you today I hope that was helpful if you have any questions

please reach out and today I just wanted to pop this up here I have

a fireside chat and I'm not you know I'm actually having a guest on and her

name is Elizabeth Anika so I would love for you to join me that is the URL

if you'd like to look at it online you can you know access that from a computer or or a

smartphone but the topic today is with Elizabeth Anika who was an expert at touch and so she's going to

be talking about how women want to be touched and teaching about that which I

think is a great topic for both men and women so hopefully you'll join me later on this evening

at 6:00 p.m. Eastern Standard Time and that's what I have for you tonight today have a great

day see you soon and tune in next week Wednesday at 2 p.m. Eastern Standard

Time for the get real good love show