welcome everyone to the get real get love show I am your host Charlie Washburn I'm assigned space dating

and relationship coach and I want to talk to you a little bit about online

dating and today's topic that we're covering is how to initiate a conversation online so this is very interesting

because men and women have very different ways that they go about you know online dating

but I'm going to say one thing that applies to everyone and that is to comment on someone's

profile and be specific that's like a no-brainer I'm sure you've heard it before if you're doing online

dating and you're trying to reach out to someone for the first time that's definitely

something that you want to do just look at their profile and if you are looking at a profile

that doesn't have a lot of information you can use that as your prompt to say hey I'm curious about

you but I don't I don't really see a lot of information on your profile tell

me about yourself which leads to my next tip which is ask a question if you want to

keep a conversation going it's important to be able to ask questions and ideally open-ended questions

because those Garner a little bit more about the person rather than a short yes or no answer

the other thing that I would say especially if you read in someone's profile that they're looking

for someone who has a sense of humor you might want to reach out with something

funny now I want to caution you because I think people's idea of what is funny is not always the

same so if you're not intrinsically funny then don't even bother I mean I'm one of those people I'm not

really funny I think I'm funny if somebody's laughing at me but not when I try

to be funny my daughter always says that so I really wouldn't use that tactic however if

you are naturally a funny person definitely use that and also make sure that your idea of humor is

not sarcasm because when you meet someone for the first time and they don't know who you

are and your background and your personality sarcasm can really be misconstrued and could really ruin

the whole situation for you so I would totally avoid that I definitely would avoid cheesy pickup

lines okay I think people try to be cute and they say certain things that they're

just cheesy and I don't know I mean I think if you're gorgeous and you

have all this stuff going on in your profile people might forgo things like that

because that is you know the superficiality of online dating however I would just avoid that and be yourself

and use you know say something that someone might actually appreciate so an idea might be a compliment about

something in their file not about their physical appearance and I know that sounds what is it counterintuitive

right but I think that when you lead with the physical it sends a certain message especially for women

that is not exactly what you know the message that you want to send unless you

know especially if you're looking for a long-term committed relationship and I also want to

say that you want to keep in mind that people are busy right so when you send out

a message don't just send one message sometimes you have to send multiple messages in a good example of

that is the story behind myself and my husband right so we met online and he

sent me for messages they were very funny because he happens to be a very funny person so the first

message I read it I thought oh that's really cute but I deleted it you sent me another message

such and I read it and I thought oh that's really really cute and I deleted it

the third message same thing funny very cute delete and then finally by the fourth message I

responded to him and I said you must be hideous looking because if you were as

cute as any of these messages you've already sent you would have a photo because you didn't

have a photo and so the next day he had a photo on his profile and I thought

wow he's out of my type and he's cute and so I respond I sent him a

message asking you know why don't why don't you have a photo and he's like well I didn't know how

to upload it so I have my niece do it for me so the point is

is that he was very persistent and that's wonderful because you know there's a there's a

quote from Denis waitley who wrote a book and I can't have it lost for his thing right now but

he wrote a book and he says success is is almost totally dependent upon drive

and persistence and so when you're messaging online and and unfortunately this this is particularly the case for

men right because men get less response online it's just the way it is there more men

than women or you know there are more men messaging out and do a lot of women who don't believe

in messaging Men First and therefore they're waiting for men to message Etc and maybe you're

not their type maybe you are but the reality is is that you're going to send out multiple

messages before you actually get a reply so knowing that a front that's just the way it

is the other thing I want to say is that I do encourage women to

send out messages as well and it doesn't have to be where you're coming on strong or you know a

pursuing a man in the way of a man would pursue a woman I think a lot of

women are very hesitant to do that but I really think that you should if you see someone online

that you feel could be a potential match for you I think it's perfectly okay

to message the man and say something about his profile same advice goes to both

men and women refer to the profile ask a question say something funny and then

if the person is interested they might get back to you now keep in mind that

people getting a lot of messages and no one is invested in you until I

invested in you so it's perfectly okay to send more than one message number one number two understand

that most of these online profiles have a small percentage of people who are actually paying customers are and

I'm speaking now of those that you actually pay for so years ago I remember the stat was like

and therefore when you are in one of those platforms where you're paying you can't

reply to someone if you're not paying so do keep that in mind and and I say all of that

because I want you to not feel rejected a lot of times people think that oh my gosh I'm

sending all these messages and nobody's getting back to me it's not about that it's not about rejection

it's that a lot of times people just can't respond and then in some cases you know like my situation

because he didn't have a photo I was just a little bit hesitant and I was getting a lot of

messages at that point and so I had to prioritize but I did read those messages so keep

that in mind and so that's kind of what I want to share now when you're already messaging back and

forth and you're having conversation try to keep your messages more or less equal it's

kind of like a tennis match I find sometimes that people send out these huge long

winded messages where they're having a conversation station with themselves or their their writing this tone

this very long I mean I don't have the patience to read it but there are

a lot of people like me whether male or female doesn't matter I think save those

long messages or conversations for an actual conversation rather than trying to put everything on paper and and

honestly if you're writing to someone and every message starts with I see this and I that and I

uh most people don't want to read that because it's all about you and people want to know

what's in it for them or you know how does this benefit them I mean this is just

the reality of human nature so I would just refrain from very long-winded messages try to

make those connections within the first few messages move to a phone call move then to a video call and

then meet in person and then in some cases you may expedite that process and do things a little

faster faster or maybe skip the the video call and meet in person right away

especially now that the weather is great in most places so that is my advice to

folks who are out there dating you can do this women can reach out first remember that men please

be persistent know that sometimes it just takes a while for somebody to get back to you

and I also encourage people to send a note if you feel like you're not

interested in someone send them a note and let them know thanks but no thanks and whatever kind

of language and wording that you want to use for that so that is my advice

for today and if anyone wants to reach out please feel free Hoops let me hide that I just want

to put up my banner here on the feedback so if you have any specific questions or any

topics that you would love to hear us cover please do not hesitate eat eight to reach out go

to the bitly forward slash feedback Dash challenges Dash questions send me your questions your challenges your feedback on anything

that were that we're sharing on these programs because I'm here to help you and so feel

free to reach out anytime because I I know that everyone deserves love and deserves to love

and be loved and if you're having a struggle when you haven't figured this out for yourself

there are methods to the and is there signs there's research there ways to improve your process

so that you can achieve your relationship goals and that is my mission in life to

help singles achieve their relationship goals so please reach out with any questions and we

will do our best to answer them on these shows thank you so much and I hope

you have a wonderful day